Sunday, May 17, 2020
No Luck With Me
I think my dad has been punishing me all these years not to be as attractive as his youngest sister, born in 1961, because I was upset she was mean to me as a toddler at least on the inside because I was good. She hurt me so much. I am not up for relatives.
Comparison - Young German Violinist
I wonder how I am compared to this girl. She is born in the early-mid 1990s. She is very sweet. She seems lucky to be in the orchestra. It might also be because of how nice and appropriate she is. 😁
Freiburger Barockorchester
Successful Asians
So, my mom wasn't just Asian, she was a success... Anyway, who cares? My dad probably just regretted not getting white sex. I am fine, it seems like compared to others, but I feel he is hunting me down.
What a Joke
I'm wondering why this one girl doesn't get in trouble for misbehaving to someone in how she acts or secretly relays messages, but I think they all blame it on me- I'm sure messages given in that way are taken into consideration by them.
White Life
Are white people just living their life with the guarantee to be on top and seeing what happens to the rest of us first?
"In the Same Boat"
I guess we're all just waiting for the next great thing to come along, but it's like we're all gonna die before that happens. Imagine how great the world was 15+ years ago.
Actively Ignored
I know what it's like to be ignored even if you are well-known, like people don't want to ruin it for me.
However, I feel my identity and reputation has been abused.
Treasure Map
First, I need to do my laundry that piled up at the end of the semester.
Then, I can rollerblade, practice violin, and learn German.
School will probably roll around the corner in August. At least, this year will just be music courses. I hope I grow more discipline and "do the work."
Hatred
You know those ladies with coarse bleached hair who are tough? They act like Germans who hate me. 😱 They may be some ethnicity like German, German-American, some maybe mixed? and then there's those boys with the oblong heads and touch disposition, usually light brown hair kinda. Everyone trusts them, but it's too late to become like that. There are German girls here, too, though they seem to hide away because I almost never see any, though it's the greatest percentage of the population here in the US overall. Who knows where they are, but they may have run into the Scandinavians out in the Midwest. What is the rest of the US, a rare sprinkling of German with some Scandinavian?
"Anger Management"
Are people in Hollywood some just randomly taking their anger out on me?
Also, I'm not one of those people who have hissy fits over Hollywood.
"Taking It out on Myself"
I usually want to hit myself etc. when mad, never thought about attacking others even as a thought until I started watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," save maybe hitting my mom with pillows when she was being noisy in the kitchen and the stomping, sometimes throwing my things but not violently.
Strange Ideas
When people make irritating noises or act annoyingly around me with no sign of ever stopping, I get the idea I should physically attack them or act out physically somehow, like stomping my foot or making noises, louder and louder as they see and don't stop but continue like it's my problem... It's like noises and actions that get under my skin. It does happen with people sensing my thoughts via the thing with people monitoring me in private, like they have sensors or microphones that read my feelings somehow, though I don't know how. Strangers can do it, too, though. People can even do it to a degree if I'm not eve there.
Cussing and Fidgeting
Reacting physically when mad is okay if legal and not unusual in public, but using curse words at or about other people is a sign of weakness because it shows someone didn't say what they wanted because most people try not to curse to be better than others.
(continued)
That's a problem, as well, that I get in trouble for. I don't try to do it all the time or anything, but it's my right. I'm not out to get others.
"Freedom of Speech"
I have to think of some curse words / bad words sometimes to get by. I don't use them on other people.
A Healthy Range of Expression and Physical Movement
It's not good to wind up being arrested or losing all your relationships, but what is healthy in regards to taking out anger when you're alone? I'm being monitored in private, and my aunt says I'm in trouble if I show any physical reaction when I'm upset even if alone, and I am mistreated secretly a lot. Being upset can come naturally in some thoughts, too; it's better than adapting an evil grin.
"Too Much of Nothing"
Do Early/Mid Generation X girls go catapulting thinking, if they are more detailed in any way possible, they will beat Late Boomers?
School
All Online at The Baptist College of Florida (Northwestern Florida)
(No financial aid in the summers, at least there.)
- Violin - 2 credit hours
- Orchestra - 1 credit hour
- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours
- Music Theory - 4 credit hours
- Music History - 3 credit hours
- Music Conducting - 3 credit hours
TOTAL - 13 CREDIT HOURS
Spring 2021
- Violin - 2 credit hours
- Orchestra - 1 credit hour
- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours
- Music Theory - 4 credit hours
- Instrumental Music Conducting - 3 credit hours
- Religion - 3 credit hours
TOTAL - 13 CREDIT HOURS
Summer 2021
- Orchestra - 1 credit hour
Fall 2021
- Violin - 2 credit hours
- Orchestra - 1 credit hour
- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours
- Religion - 3 credit hours
- Biology - 3 credit hours
TOTAL - 9 credit hours
Spring 2022
- Senior Recital - 0 credit hours
- Violin - 2 credit hours
- Orchestra - 1 credit hour
- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours
- Religion - 3 credit hours
TOTAL - 6 credit hours
GRADUATION - 2022 - Age 36 Years Old
Bachelor of Arts in Music (Violin Performance)
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